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Google's PrayerOur Google, which art in Wi-fi

Quick be thy search.

Thy results come, thy buffer be done,

On Bing as it is in Chrome.

Give us this day our daily updates

And forgive us our spelling

As we forgive those who butcher English grammar.

And lead us not into Apple,

But deliver us from Siri.

For thine is the Wi-fi, the processor, and the android forever.

Amen.

Hard at Work (drunk poem)I hired a man from the yellow pages
to cut my lawn, as I've simply no time
to do it myself. But he came over
dressed as a policeman, and told me
I had been bad. Oh my, and then...
...nevermind. No more shall I call
Men - Hard at Work, again.

Thank god my lawn is gated;
the neighbors, what would they think?

To a believer.Fancy me a fool?
Some sort of ass or mule?
You've got to be kidding,
when you say an invisible force will do its bidding.
In the winter you give children toys;
but your clergy bugger little boys.
But oh wait there's more,
funny ones, they bang their heads against the floor.
Blow up buildings for something they read in a book,
wonder how cunning was the writer,
bloody clever crook.

They're all the same,
innocent people they blame.
Aren't you a bit too old,
to believe the madness you are told?
This weird obsession,
of believing in one.
Look at the Greeks,
they had many- now that was fun.

Every time they open their mouth,
even more nonsense th

Table for who.A table in the corner
set for two
roses and candles
just for you.

Booked this for our
first date.
Now I can't wait.

Arranged to meet on
neutral ground some
where in the middle
of town.

We thought it was time
we met after chatting
on the net.
Talking for so long
it seemed we could do
no wrong.

A voice said hello
not soft more a bellow.
What happened to the woman
who never went on cam.
Now I know she was a man.

I was in a sweat
My heart racing
upstairs I heard pacing.
It was the morning
a beautiful day
the nightmare
I had washed away.

1Z Listu do Zjednoczonych Krain.
"[...] Pokonaliśmy Niszczyciela dzięki Poświęconej. Osiem krain kiedyś oddzielnych teraz się zjednoczyły. Woda, Morze, Światła, Mrok, Ogień, Wiatr, Czas no i epicentrum Wiara. Cykl ten zakończył się ze śmiercią Adhary Poświęconej i Sana z Ahmalem którzy byli Niszczycielami. To daje nam nowy cykl. Cykl Talizmanu Mocy. [...]"
Plac ćwiczebny Akademii Jeźdźców Smoków był prawie pusty. Na środku areny stała dziewczyna miała zamknięte oczy. Jej czarne włosy z grana

COLLAB POEM 3I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: It's raining, oh it is indeed
You@All: MY LOVELY STEED,
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: I think i am in great need
You@All: OF HORSE FEED
I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: On seeds
I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: That bleed
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: I am filled with need
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: of feed
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: and seeds
I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: On your bleed
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: and your indeed
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: full of feed
You@All: and weeds
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: and bead
I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: With greed
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: i need
You@All: to plead
TACOSAUCE THE GREAT@All: with greed
I BE ZORA LOLOL@All: That we'd
You@A

Goodnight, CthulhuSing a song of madness,
An Old One never dies.
Four and twenty Shoggoths
Baked in a pie.

When the pie burst open,
The guests began to scream.
Wasn't that a wicked dish,
To complete Dagon's scheme?

Lord Cthulhu sleeps in R'leyh,
And sees us in our dreams;
Nyarlathotep babbles in the dark,
And feeds upon our screams.

The cliff-ghasts now are flying free,
Hunting for fresh meat;
And if they catch you dreaming,
Your doom will be complete.

Pome to MortBlurble and blargle!
The fungle's like marble...
The flustig is blowing,
And such is the way,
Of stating your case,
When reason holds sway...
It's not that I'm jaznick,
Or terribly garblous...
Or wanting a chat,
or something quite farblous....
So whenever your fungle
is open to air,
and your blushniks are blushing...
Without any fears...
A short danggly missive,
portraying, your wishes...
will suffice to inform me,
(oh it's just so delicious!)
Of when you're on, netwise..
so both of us, (gleebly)
can verily cheerably,
greet appositely,
and nothing unsightly
shall mar the endeavour
when gaily, together,
We'll mingle our rhymes....

Big word, Little shinxI’m in the dark, just a little shinx.
These big dogs keep talking the big bark, but I’ll show em when the rain comes.
This little kitty can do more than shine in the night,
I’ll paint these gym walls with red your fright.
Gold fur and a heart of black, my trainer stabbed me in the back.
Broken and bloody I won’t give up till she’s crying over my dead body.
As you look into my eyes the last thing you’ll see is the most hurt part of me.
I’ll protect my innocence behind this fiery bolt,
Rock smash, rock tomb, I already know it’s my doom.
Take my swagger like a thief; I’ll double team th

The reason that students must learn history"Sir! Why should I learn history?"

I gave him a clout with my knuckles.

"Oh! Why are you hitting my head?"

Again, I gave him a clout with my knuckles.

"Shit! Why are you hitting my head? Why should I learn history?"

The student protests again. I put out this splendid answer.

"If you did not remember that you hit, When I hit you again, Could you avoid?"

OnCe UpOn A mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE OnCe UpOn A mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE tHeRe WaS a LiTtLe MoThErFuCkEr.

ThAt GrEw Up SuRrOuNdEd By OtHeR lItTlE mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

tHeSe OtHeR lItTlE mOtHeRfUcKeRs WeNt OuTsIdE tO pLaY a KiCkAsS mOtHeRfUcKiN gAmE.

tHe MoThErFuCkErS fOuNd A bUnCh Of SqUaRe ShApEd MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs.

ThAn EvErY mOtHeRfUcKeR dIeD bEcAuSe ThE mIrAcLeS wErE tOo MoThErFuCkIn AmAzInG.

tHe EnD.

hOnK :0)

Off TopicIt all started when I was 13 years,
7 months, 2 weeks,
4 days, 6 hours,
12 minutes & 14 seconds old.

Wait, now that I think about it,
now it would be 15 seconds.
16. 17. 18. 19.
20. 21. 22. 24.
Crap, forgot 23.

Shoot,
Where was I? I lost track...
I think I was at 20-something...
Wait, wait, wait, hang on.
What story was I telling again?

Panty and Stocking Oh pitiful shadow lost in the darkness,
Oh evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth,
May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy, delicate maidens,
Strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger,
Shattering your lowness and impurity and returning it from whe

Mad Libs: Love StoryMy smelly darling,
I love you more than pizza itself. Each minute away from you is a/an sun, each hour is a/an gross eternity. Without you, life is dull, boring, and fluffy. I feel like a baby without my statue, a toddler without my teddy dragon, a dog without its bees. I can't get you out of my gut. I can't stop thinking about the color of your sand, your hard laugh, the way you limp a joke. This morning, when the mail fire brought your special delivery babies, my finger skipped a beat, my throat was in my throat, and my clock trembled so much, I could hardly throw your white house. What you said set my

The Abstract Gentleman's BarThe Abstract Gentleman’s Bar

Haha, Gentleman! Please take a seat and I promise you won’t miss a beat
For we got a show for you this evening which revolves strictly around women!
Black, White, Asian and Exotic, I promise they’re all quite the treat
And if you don’t see that I’m being completely honest then why don’t you unzip your pants of denim!

We have Christians and Mormons but none of the Witnesses
We like to keep alive, right? After all you’re only here to hide from your wives or issues
Stuff like money, and children, who grow to be more of an issue in previous Christmases
Yet, here you are now,

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More from ~Von-Darkness

Bi-PolarTearing at the answers in your mind,
Raking hands and blood soaked fingers,
Dig deep scratches there again,
While your temples flare with pain.

You look and see the empty humanity,
Inside your love-lost vanity,
Full of misdirected imperfections,
And dare to seek a better way.

Your mind is the catch,
A portal to a world best left checked,
A wonderland for the sick and confused,
Are the pills in your hand the only way to see the truth?

Railing against the thoughts that plague your kind,
Seeking answers you just can't seem to find,
Wanting that connected pulse,
Desiring the feel of the chemical flow inside of you.

The connected d

How I write poemsHow I write poems.

1. Pick a phrase, word, emotion, or idea

(Ex; Monday)

2. Try and find good descriptive words that relate to that idea

(Ex; Monday, Sunday [rhymes! :D], Beginning of week, weekdays, dates, time, fresh start)

3. Take your words and connect them through lines

Example;

Today is Monday,
The beginning of the week,
It's the day that I long for,
A fresh start for all,
A grand date and time,
To jot down these lines,
Monday is the best day of all

4. Give it a format. I personally like to use rhymes.

Example;

Today is Monday,
The best day of the week,
It's the day that I long for,
It's the day that I seek,
For it's

State Of Our WorldRolling Lightening,
Sheets of Waves,
Bolts of Thunder,
Hurricanes,
Typhoon-Tornado,
Floods and Plague,
This is the state of the world today,
Fire-War,
Chemical Stage,
Nuclear Bombs,
This Digital Age,
There's absolutely no reason to live this way,
Media Meltdown,
Market Drop,
Political Battle,
Government Flop,
Self-Destruction,
This Global Plague,
Humanity's the one that made it this way,
Strange Migrations,
Molten Rock,
Tectonic Shifting,
Acidic Rot,
This Poison's everywhere and here to stay,
Why'd we have to make it this way?
Global Warming,
Green house gas,
Oil Mining,
Supply it fast,
Religious Wars,
These Terr

You are to me, My one my onlyYou are to me, My one my only....

A Breath of the Heavens,
The Daughter of Night,
Walker of Storms,
And Catalyst of Life,

She's The Goddess of Love,
The Queen of Strife,
And a Servant to Lust,
But a Maiden so White,

She's holds power over my soul,
And is a fear to beholden,
A Longing taste of perfection,
But a cry out in vain,
She's my only pleasure,
And all of my pain,

She's the Maid of forever,
The Lady of laughter,
My Succubus of slavery,
And drinker of my eternal heart

---------------------------------------------------------
*Be-hold-en
adj.
Owing something, such as gratitude, to another; indebted.

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Critque The Baker

by ~Von-Darkness, Jun 9, 2009, 6:11:56 AM
Literature / Poetry / Humor / Free Verse

Critique the Baker,
Because if the pie's not delicious,
Then it's my fault,
I'm the maker.

Critque The Bakerby ~Von-Darkness

Literature / Poetry / Humor / Free Verse

©2009-2013 ~Von-Darkness

Edit: Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
added do not use plz. lol.

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Just a bit of humor inspired by

and

from a comment they posted together on this work here:
[link]

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~SabaElf-Arrow Nov 24, 2009 Writer

then shall i critique the poet instead of the poem? very well, he seems a wonderfully clever and witty fellow to have written this.

Reply

~Von-Darkness Nov 25, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

Ah thank you.

Reply

~txteclipse Jun 10, 2009

This is so win.

Reply

Mood: Joy

~Von-Darkness Jun 10, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

LMAO! Thanks! (I thought so too)

Reply

~HumbleNewb Jun 9, 2009

Reply

~Von-Darkness Jun 9, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

Gland you like it!

Reply

~HumbleNewb Jun 9, 2009

More so than the not-so-delicious pie. And I really wanted to like the pie.

Reply

~Von-Darkness Jun 10, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

LMAO DX

I <3 PIE

Reply

~Knightwhisper Jun 9, 2009

Mmmmm cake. And pie. What kind of pie? If it is lemon meringue or key lime I shall have some. Otherwise - give me brownies, or give me death!

Reply

~Von-Darkness Jun 9, 2009 Hobbyist Writer

I love key-lime pie! Oooooooo now I'm hungry! DX

Reply

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